Yep! My grandparents from my mom’s side of the family are here for my sister’s graduation!
We had a day full of Clue with them. We played the game and watched the movie, hilarious fun!
But, I can’t help but be nervous. I haven’t openly come out to any of my extended family other than two cousins on my dad’s side of the family. I wanted to come out to them last year when they were here for my graduation, but my mom begged I not tell them because it would be “too much for them to handle” since my great-grandfather had just died a week or two before hand.
Well, that was last year, and this year I intend to come out to them. I fear that my mom has already told them, like she told my dad before I came out to him when I thought I was bisexual. My grandma is also my friend on Facebook, but has done literally nothing on it after the first few weeks she was on it. I blocked my “interested in men” info from her at first, but has been able to see that for a while now. I just have no clue if she’s seen that.
Back to coming out, sort of?
Well, I’m also past this whole “coming out” phase of my acceptance of who I am. To quote Lady Gaga, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” I want to just mention something like “blah blah blah this guy I dated blah blah blah” or “this cute guy blah blah blah” in a normal conversation, but I keep trying to hide it. Damn passiveness. I also don’t want it to seem like it’s some big deal. I don’t know if I should ask my mom if she told them already they already know or not, but OH I don’t want to!
I really just want to mention something that would mean I’m gay like the blah blah blah above, but I think I’d need my immediate family around for support. I know they love me and would stand up for me, but I’m worried my mom or dad might say “Why couldn’t you just not say anything about it?” and create drama. I shouldn’t feel this way about my own parents. It’s all so frustrating!My sisters wouldn’t be able to stand up for me if my parents did that, they’d have no chance. I would end up yelling to defend myself and run off crying, and I can’t stand to have that happen.
But you know what? My grandparents will probably be just fine with it. I know they love me, they always have. I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t either. I’m not “in the closet” anymore and am past that notion, but feel myself crawling back in now. I ultimately have two choices in an awful dilemma.
I could stay silent and feel like I’m lying to them even more as I avoid the topic relationships or pronounce my homosexuality in fear.
WAIT. In fear? In fear of what?
In fear of uncertainty. If fear of what might happen. Well you know what else might happen? They might all be fine with it, no big deal. I don’t need to worry about it, but I don’t usually take initiative (and can’t help it much either).
I just want this to all be over with, with me open and gay with my loving family.
